someone owes me an orgasm
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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