Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
