nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
