pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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