I wish I only lived at night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
