Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
