we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize