Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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