shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
