o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
