I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
