i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
