You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
