Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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