I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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