I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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