remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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