i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
