I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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