i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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