sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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