How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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