So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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