If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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