Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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