my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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