The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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