He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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