Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
