i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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