i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
