as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
