I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize