We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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