yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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