There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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