I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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