Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
