my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize