dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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