I'm really into asian looking animals
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
