Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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