I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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