I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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