OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
