i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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