hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize