Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
my poor anus
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
