He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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