There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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