Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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