Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
