I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
