best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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