I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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