I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
