There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
