Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
