let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize