apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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