Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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