maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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