I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
