apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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