I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
