I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
