Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I pour the whiskey from now on
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
